she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
