oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
