guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
