And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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