You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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