I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize