wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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