she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Houston, we have a squirter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
