This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
