I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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