Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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