like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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