Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
