she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
