living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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