We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
