I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
