I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
