the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize