i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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