Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
