remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
