Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
