I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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