I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
