I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
