i can't believe i had my finger in that
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
