Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
