New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
