dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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