I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
