I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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