there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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