so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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