1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize