After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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