I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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