i barfeds in our rink
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
