Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
