Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
