Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
