Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am one with the molecules
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
