Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
