Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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