I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Vodka?
Forever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
