So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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