I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize