it wasn't lemon gatorade
just tell him i said nine months
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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