P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You pole danced in your parka.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
