why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
