I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
