it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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