i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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