He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
