This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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