so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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