Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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