I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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