he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
