Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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