I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
