It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
