I think I am morally bankrupt
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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