Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
