I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
