A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
