dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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