She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
NoShamevember. You game?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
