god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
