I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize